Anxious Preoccupied (AP) Attachment Style


The Anxious Preoccupied (AP) individual is characterized by a strong desire for closeness and intimacy, often fearing abandonment or not being sufficiently loved. They may rely heavily on their partners or close friends for reassurance and validation. These individuals might have grown up in environments where care was unpredictable, leading them to become hypervigilant to changes in emotional closeness.

Common Communication Patterns

  • Seeking validation: AP individuals might often seek assurance and affirmation.
  • Openness about emotions: They're generally very open about how they feel, though this might sometimes come off as clingy or needy.
  • Criticism of partners: In the quest for constant reassurance, they might point out perceived shortcomings in their partners, fearing abandonment.
  • Testing behaviors: To gauge a partner's commitment or loyalty, they might 'test' them, for instance, by seeing if they get jealous.

Common Core Wounds

  • Fear of Abandonment: The central wound often revolves around being left or perceived as unlovable.
  • Insecurity: Worrying about their standing in relationships, feeling they're not good enough.
  • Fear of Rejection: Intensely concerned about being pushed away or not being accepted.
  • Feeling Excluded or Disliked: Even minor slights can trigger intense feelings of being left out.
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Common Needs

  • Reassurance: Constant need for validation and affirmation.
  • Consistency: A stable, predictable relationship environment.
  • Connection: Deep, meaningful interactions and conversations.
  • Inclusion: Feeling part of a group or a vital part of someone's life.

Relation to Boundaries

  • Struggle with setting boundaries: They may prioritize closeness over setting healthy boundaries.
  • Fearful of other's boundaries: Perceive boundaries set by others as a form of rejection or abandonment.
  • Self-sacrificing: Might ignore their own needs and boundaries to please others.

Dynamic with Other Attachment Styles

AP-Secure: Secure individuals can provide the stability and reassurance AP seeks, but overdependence might strain the relationship.

AP-AP: Two anxious individuals might find comfort in each other's openness, but their mutual fears can also amplify the other's insecurities.

AP-DA (Dismissive Avoidant): AP's need for closeness can clash with DA's need for distance, leading to push-pull dynamics.

AP-FA (Fearful Avoidant): This dynamic can be tumultuous. While both fear abandonment, FA might push away, triggering AP's fears.

Common "Super Powers"

  • Empathetic: Their own struggles make them very understanding and compassionate.
  • Passionate: Bring a lot of energy and devotion to relationships.
  • Intuitive about others' emotions: Often tuned in to how others are feeling.
  • Resilient in relationships: Despite their fears, they don't give up easily on relationships.
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